Intro (kind of)

I hate intros or starting something new for the first time. So I'll pretend this is like my tenth blog and skip all of that.

I hate when people say things like, oh he's my better half or he makes me whole and all the mushy bullshit. I use to be into romance and that idea of love everyone has and what the movies portray. I guess once you pass that honeymoon stage, you begin to learn what love really is.

But I'm contradicting myself when I say, I miss my better half...

We are two years into our relationship so it's nothing silly. I don't know, it's weird but I feel like something is missing. I'm not myself really. I just find things to do to pass the time and forget the fact that he is not here. I try to occupy my time. But it's at night when it hits me hard. Right in the heart. And I can actually feel it.

It hurts. Like my heart is trying so hard to pump blood through my body. What it's trying to do is control the pain, trying to stay strong.

But I'm not very strong and I wish I were. I'm almost embarrased. Because I thought i was stronger than that. My dad told me how important it is to not make one person the source of your happiness. But I'm learning that I am not truly happy without him here. I hate all this mushy bullshit but it's real bullshit. I feel silly crying my eyes out at night but I can't control it.

Come home already baby. I miss you too much and I can hardly bear it.